Tuesday, November 30, 2010

feathers

A blogger friend (Kristen) did a recent blog-post about signs and I thought I'd do the same (ack-I'm a copy blogger!! LOL).

No, not road signs.  Sign signs.  Like, "give me a sign if....".

My grandma (mom's mom), Rose, was awesome.  She had 10 kids, lived on a farm and her husband passed away the year I was born (1978).  She wouldn't dare ever buy soap because she made her own.  She wouldn't dare buy a loaf of bread, but would make 18 loaves a week.  She cooked with lard all the time and wouldn't leave an ounce of meat on a chicken carcass for fear of wasting it.  She was awesome.

My mom was very close with her--both in proximity and in their relationship.  When grandma started getting ill, my mom would visit with her daily.  She was 92 when she went into the hospital, where she wasn't a patient for long due to her forthcoming passing.  While she was in the hospital, my mom was with her almost the entire time.  On the day she died (I wasn't there, but this story is told by my mom) my mother found a feather on the hospital floor (in her room) just moments before she passed away.  She picked it up and stuck it in her pocket, not even thinking about it, really.

A few days later, my mom told me this story and we talked about it...The burning question is this:  why would there be a feather on the floor of a very sterile hospital room?  Where did it come from?  Grandma.

That was in 2002.

My mom and I have found feathers all the time since then.  We'd find them on our own and we'd find them together-when we did, we'd pick them up and smile to each other.  As a matter of fact I just had a moment of the feather finding.  I was taking out the "brown and serve" rolls for Thanksgiving just last week.  As I was trying to remove them from their plastic bag so I could place the perfectly formed rolls on the baking sheet, I noticed a very small feather floating through the air of my kitchen.  At that very moment I knew it was grandma, slapping my wrist for not making my own dough.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Yo.

Yo Gabba Gabba.

If you've never seen it-might I suggest you-tubing it?  It's worth it.  Perhaps do a search for "Don't Bite Your Friends".

That's all I'm gonna say about that.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Happy Thanksgiving

I know it's been a while since I've updated...I really am at a stand-still on the surrogate front.  Things will pick up again in about a month.

So, I just wanted to make a quick list of what I am thankful for:

My husband--without him, I wouldn't be married. LOL 
My kids--they rock and make me laugh constantly.
My parents (even the "in law" and "step" ones)--they molded me into what I am today.
Branden and Tracy--my dreams of becoming a surrogate wouldn't be realized if it weren't for them.
Styx--we all need an obsession.
My boss--he's truly an awesome person, as a boss and friend.
My coworkers--some truly work and I appreciate that.  Others make me laugh (I'll have to post about the "2 slices of cheese in the fridgederator" some day....)
My musical ability--I love the fact that I am musically capable of sounding good...sometimes.
My blackberry--without it, I'd be lost.
Woodman's--my new favorite place to grocery shop.
Jeff Coffin and Mark Colby--you tube them.
Diet Cherry Pepsi--yum.
Kermit the Frog--without him, I wouldn't have a tattoo.

I'm thankful for more, but I hear a child crying in the background (tired), so I must go.

Happy Thanksgiving to all!!!

Friday, November 19, 2010

ouch.

My husband is out of town on a family emergency (his grandpa was admitted to the hospital--and side note, he's okay for the moment) so I've been "stuck" with my three kids, tending to their every need on a solo run.  It's really not bad, but definitely has its moments.

Yesterday, we started running low on milk.  Running low is not an option and running out would be something I never want to experience for a second time (lets just say it wasn't a good time).  So, after my work day was completed I got the kids ready (and myself) and we headed to the store.

To make this post a surrogacy related one in a very small way, I decided to go Target and get my BCP prescription re-filled and pick up a few more things, in addition to the milk.  Efficient is my middle name.

So we went to Target.  First went to the pharmacy and asked them to refill my Rx...they said it would take about 15 minutes, so we went on our shopping way.  We putzed around for a bit and I decided to browse the towel aisle.  Because I had the 3 kids, we were using one of those "kid" carts--the one with the 2 seats and then the cart.  Elliot, since he was 2, likes to ride below the cart (like where you would put your soda).  He's been doing it for 3 years and we've never had a problem.  So, I'm browsing the towels, Elliot is in the bottom of the cart, the girls are in their seats and all is well...until I started pushing the cart.  The minute I moved, I heard a scream that I think was heard in the next town over.  It was Elliot.  It was one of those screams that started out REALLY loud and then was silent...but he was still screaming.

He got out from under the cart and held up his hand...and there it was.  A fingernail on his pinky finger just dangling there.  As a mom, my heart sank and then started to beat so fast.  What do I do?  So, I tried to calm him down and quickly started to walk towards the pharmacy (best place for someone to maybe know what they're doing, right?).  We got to the pharmacy and the pharmacist came to help us.  Do I go to the ER?  Do I just wrap it up and call the doc tomorrow?  She asked who Elliot's doctor was and picked up the phone (she was really great).  While on the phone (I have no idea who she called), another Target employee came over to me to start his "incident report". 

Pharmacy lady said that the urgent care clinic was still open and she suggested I go there.  Good call. So together, we wrapped up Elliot's finger and we were on our way.  As I was getting the girls in the cart again, pharmacy lady told me I was too early for my Rx refill...go figure.

Because I knew I wouldn't have an ounce of sanity later, I did check out the milk I had in my cart.  Then, I ran Elliot over to the urgent care clinic in town and long story short, it was determined it was not broken and we shouldn't have issues with the nail in the future.  It's going to grow a little odd for a while, but all should be good.

Elliot was a champ at the doctor's office.  The girls, however, were a different story.  No naps, no dinner (and by that point we were at about 7:00 pm) and it was just not a good time. 

After a quick drive-thru at McD's, I was happy to get home.  

Gonna erase that night from my mind for a while....

Thursday, November 18, 2010

A non-surrogate related debate

I'm not one for confrontation.  I don't like to argue.  I try to look at all things from any angle possible and, though I'll typically have my stance on a certain subject, I can usually see the other side of things.

The high school debate club was not my favorite place.  I sucked at it.

But I had a debate recently and didn't do so well at seeing the other side.

I was at a client the other day for a wellness fair (which has no bearing on this story).  It was basically a group of about 10 of us, all sitting at our own respective tables, displaying whatever product or service we offered and the employees of this organization could stop by our table and talk to us about whatever it was we had to talk about.  And it was dead.  I mean, dead.  I was there for about 4 hours and spoke to maybe 5 people, if that.

We had some down time.  All 10 of us.  Sure, I did get some Christmas shopping (online) done and stopped by my favorite surrogacy board (AAS), but most of us were sales people at these tables, so of course we all have the gift of gab.

And then the debate started.  It was between me and a gentleman that worked for an investment company I think, sitting directly across from me.  This guy (we'll call him "Jim" for purposes of my blog post) is a big guy.  Probably 6'4" ish and pushing 3 bills.  He was talking (to everyone) about how he, his pregnant wife and 4 year old son just moved to Grafton (an area north of Milwaukee) because they have a "really crappy" high school football team.  I kinda looked at him like "huh"?  And asked...why would you move to a place just because they had a cruddy football team?  His response-"Because I will never allow my children to play football and with a crappy football team, there will be less of a chance of my children wanting to play". 

What?  Huh?

There's a couple issues here, in my opinion.  First, moving to a community just because they have a crappy football team seems odd to me.  Especially considering your son is 4 YEARS OLD.  He's not going to be in high school for ANOTHER 11 years.  Do you think maybe there's a chance that the football team could change it's course in 11 years and possibly turn into a good team?  Ever think about that?

Oh, but here was the big debate.  He was adamant--like almost pissy about it--that his son would NEVER play football because he (Jim) got hurt playing football when he was in high school.  So, he will never allow his children to play because of that.  I have an issue with this.  I believe that children should be allowed to make their own choices at a certain point in their lives--sure, the younger they are, the more guidance they need...but when they hit high school, are 15+ years old, I believe they have the capability and ability to make some choices by themselves, including "hey, I'd like to play football" or "hey, I'd like to play soccer" or "hey, I want to be in the band".

I understand football is a pretty physical sport and can cause injury.  But, so is soccer.  So is hockey.  So is riding a horse.  So is ballet.  Yes, I understand there's different levels of physical aspects of each, but to deny your 15 year old the ability to make that decision him/herself doesn't seem right to me.  Remember I mentioned Jim's size?  Yeah, he's a big guy.  The chances of his kids being "bigger" are probably pretty good.  Sometimes (or maybe I should say "usually"), when you're a bigger person, the chance of you excelling at a sport, like football, are much higher than if you were 5'4" and 120 pounds.

There's risk in everything/everyday life.  There's risk when you step out the door, there's risk when you get in a car...to deny your child the choice to play a sport when he's at an age where he can make decisions himself seems wrong to me.

Anyway, I didn't step down, I told him I thought he was wrong and we left it at that.

We'll see what trouble we can get into next year at the benefit fair....

Friday, November 12, 2010

Hmmmm....

As I sit here this evening, I'm pondering something that's pretty important to a lot of people...money.  It's important to me, it's important to my husband, my parents, my grandparents, my best friend and people I don't even know.  I don't have a lot of it and always need more of it.  No wait, I want more of it.  Big difference between NEED and WANT, right?

And now I'm thinking about my IP's (Intended Parents) and everything that they've had to go through, specifically as it relates to money.  Being an IP doesn't come cheap.  I have no clue how much money they're "out", but I can't imagine it's a small number.  From the consults to the egg retrieval to the creation of the embryo's to everything that I've had to do (because everything to do with a gestational carrier is on them--the meds, ultrasounds, psych evaluation, appointments...).  I imagine the reproductive endocrinologist (RE) doesn't come cheap, either.

So here's my question...how much would you be willing to pay to have a child?  Man, that's tough, huh?  I mean, I don't even know if I can answer that one.  I suppose I would do everything I could to have a child with my husband-my own flesh and blood.  Mortgage the house, move into an apartment...but where would it stop? 

As you know the first embryo transfer we had failed.  That doesn't mean Tracy and Branden didn't get charged for all of that.  It wasn't a "freebie".  They had to pay for everything whether the embryo took or not.  And now they have to do it again.  Man, I just can't imagine...toughness times 88.

So, that's what I was thinking about today.  Money.  The "cost" of a child.   Hmmmm....


(and as a personal blog post about my own life, my son just got stung 3 times by a wasp! Yowsa! He's okay and I didn't make a big deal about it so he wouldn't freak out about it--but talk about a mini heart attack.  EEK)

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

An interesting question....

I just had a really long blog post about my answer to a question that was recently posed to me by a very dear friend.  And then I decided to delete it.  I'm not going to post what my answer was, but will simply leave you with this question for thought: 

Would you consider just having a baby and giving it to someone who really, really wanted it but couldn't have one?

Monday, November 8, 2010

BCP

HUGE update here, people.  Hope you're ready....

I started birth control pills last night!!


HA HA.  Yeah, I told you it was a big update.  Whew! I'm winded!

Friday, November 5, 2010

A real update...that has to do with this whole surrogacy thing.

Yeah, didn't really think I'd have an update so soon, did ya?  Well, I do.  And it's a good one.

I've been harboring some info for a couple days.  Stone me later.  A few days ago, Tracy threw me a text that said "we want to try again".  I guess I had figured (and hoped) they would want to try another round, but wasn't about to ask not even a week after our news of the non-pregnancy.  So, I wanted to give them some time to think about things and figure it out.  Didn't take them too long :)

Since there's really no sense in waiting for anything, we figured we'd try to get this going as soon as we can.  So, Thursday (yesterday) I called the clinic to find out what we do.  I was instructed to wait for Jill to call me some time next week--she's more or less the "case worker" for our little journey here and it was best I speak with her.  Okey Dokey.

So, I'm expecting a phone call sometime next week.  As I mentioned, Jill has been on medical leave for weeks--I figured she needed to get back to the office, settle in and then, after a few days, start working on "us" again.

Today (Friday) was Jill's first day back.  She called me at 9:00 am.  Though I'd like to think I'm her only patient, I'm guessing I'm not.  But seriously, she called me after only a couple hours back to work after WEEKS off?  Yeah, she's the shit.

And so we chatted.  And guess what?  We have a new transfer date, my friends!

January 26

Yeah, okay.  I know that sounds like it's REALLY far away.  Well, at least for me it does.  But, here's why we have to wait that long.  First of all, I have to go back on ALL the meds I was on before...and there's a true and specific science to those meds to prepare my uterus for the embryo's.  There's at least 6 weeks of meds before the transfer.  Plus, the clinic has a mandatory laboratory shut down between Christmas and New Year's (why, I know not).  Plus, Dr. S is going on vacation the first week in January.  Plus, we have to re-sign (and notarize) all the paperwork again and I have to re-take my Reglara "test" (the "have you had sex with a man who's had sex with a man for money questionnaire).  Oh, and I have to get my FDA labs re-done and the infectious diseases test cleared again too. 

So yeah, there's a lot to do.

But I feel good about this.  My job duties will have eased up a bit by then (hopefully), we'll have the stress of the Holiday's over with...January 26 sounds like a good day.

I have one more med to take this time and I'm actually going to start it on Sunday...a birth control pill.  Not really to prevent a pregnancy, but to get my cycles where they want them to be.

So, here's the med timeline:

Start BCP 11/7
Start Lupron injections 12/15
Stop BCP 12/22
Start Estrace 1/8
Start Progesterone ??

That's the scoop-a-loop.  Here's to round number 2!

Monday, November 1, 2010

A non-update.

Just wanted to update....with nothing at all.... LOL

It's weird.  The surrogacy has been a huge part of my life since April and on one day, it just kinda went away.  No more ultrasounds, no more pills, no more injections.  It's odd to me for some reason--and in a way, I miss it.  "You miss giving yourself a shot??"  Yeah, kinda.  Because the reason WHY I was giving myself the shot was why I didn't have an issue.  Hard to explain, I guess.

Anyway, still not sure what's going to happen. 

Want to keep my blog nice a cozy, though :)  How about some pictures??  Everyone loves photos, right?

Obviously these have nothing to do with the surrogacy, so we're going to veer off for an undetermined period of time to a) show you what my life is like in a non-surrogate fashion and b) keep my mind off of everything for a while.

We'll start with my children.  My world.  My awesomeness. 

Totally out of age order....

This is Emerson, the middle child.  She's turning 3 tomorrow (and wears a size 5T).  She's awesome.  She won't leave the house without some form of an overboard girl piece of garb on:  tutu, fluffy skirt, fairy wings (she calls them butterfly wings).  I can't possibly throw any more love at this girl.  My princess tank.



This is my "oops", uh, I mean this is London.  London was not in the master plan, but to imagine life without her is simply not possible.  She rocks my world and I love her to the moon and back.  She's 18 months old, going on 10 and is awesomeness times 89.

And finally, there's the big man on campus.  The leader of the pack.  The main man.  The best big brother any sister could ask for.  He's 5 and is unbelievable in so many ways.  He's so kind-hearted, smart, cute and amazing.  My boy, my heart.  This is Mario.


(really his name is Elliot, but don't tell him that...he prefers to go by "Mario")

So, there are my kiddos.  The little people in my world.  Pure awesomeness.