I know it's going to take longer than 5 minutes to get over this...but this blows. Really.
I've got so many emotions right now: disappointment, sadness, confusion, hurt.
Every day I try to be a good person. I never put myself first (except during those rare occasions I'm maybe getting my hair done or eating a McDonald's cheeseburger--because those things make me feel good but don't happen very often) but my life is about everyone else. So why, when I want something SO BAD (for someone else) is it not working?
I may not go to church every Sunday (okay, I know I've been missing a lot lately) and we may not say a prayer before every meal, but I consider myself a Christian person. I believe in God with all my heart. I believe that God does make things happen for a reason--but I hate to say that I have questioned a few of his "making things happen" things in my life, this being one of them. The other being my mom's stroke three and half years ago. Why did these two things have to happen?? Why? I know I may never get my answers, but I will continue to pray about them on a daily basis and know that God has a plan for all of this. (but I still wanna know why...)
I wish there was something I could do for Branden and Tracy. I wish I had a suitcase full of money that I could hand to them and say "use this until it's successful". I truly believe it's all down to money at this point. No, I haven't talked to them about that, but I just have a feeling that's where they're at. They're both still young (35 or just shy of it). We can still use her eggs and his swimmers and make this work. A fresh cycle-that would be ideal! It's just them coming up with the funds to do it. Ug.
Okay, that was a totally all over the place post...that's how I've been feeling since Friday, though--all over the place. I just wish this were all very different.