Thursday, February 17, 2011

What to do...what to do...

Limbo.  That's where I'm at.

(fun Jesse fact-I used to work at a roller skating rink (BEST.JOB.EVER) and rocked the limbo on roller skates.)

Anyway, back to the other limbo... 

I want to be a surrogate so very badly.  When I was approached by Branden and Tracy, it was the perfect situation.  I could help a friend, fulfill my dream and everyone would be happy. 

I wish and pray beyond everything that I know that Branden and Tracy can take another shot at this.  I'm going to just hang out and wait for them to make a final decision.  I owe that to them.

But, let's say they come back and say "we're 100% done".  Then what?  Do I keep going?  Sign up with an agency?  Go to some surro classifieds and find new IP's?  Would anyone else even "have" me?

For now, I'm taking time.  I don't want Branden and Tracy to be under any kind of pressure--they need time to figure out what they need/want to do.  I'll be here, though.  Waiting for them.  While I'm waiting, I'm going to concentrate on me.  I'm going to try to become a more healthier person--which means more exercise, eating better, living life in a better way.  That starts immediately--I'm going to take a nice long walk in about 15 minutes.  :)

God has a plan for me.  I know it.  I truly hope it involves carrying a child for someone else.  Until that plan is known to me, I will do my best to be a better me.

With that, I do plan on continuing this blog.  It's still a "surrogacy journey" for me.  You may not get a whole lot of surrogacy related posts, but I'll do what I can.

Peeps-you rock.


  1. Jesse (or Jess)- I'm not sure which you prefer. :) I couldn't find a place on your blog to send you a personal email...I wanted you to know that I went through a similar situation. We didn't get nearly as far as you did with Branden and Tracy, but I totally get what you're feeling right now. Please feel free to email me if you would like to talk further about this unique situation. When I was asking the same questions you are, my husband actually said something that made things so clear for me. Would love to chat with you more, if you have any interest... Take care! Jeni

    P.S. I also rocked at the limbo on skates! :) Not so much in life! Haha!!!

  2. Jess, I hope you enjoyed your walk. Get healthy, but don't, for a minute, believe you would still be pregnant if you'd been in perfect shape. That's not how it works with these early miscarriages. I'm still thinking of you and praying for you all daily. I hope you can hook up with Jeni and have some comfort.

  3. Jess,

    I too had a VERY similar situation. I decided to take that leap and try again with a new couple. I know it's a tough decision to make and although I hope B and T get to try again, it does not have to be the end for you if they decide to call it quits. They are very lucky to have found such a loyal and caring surrogate and I'm sure you would be snatched up in a heartbeat by another deserving couple if it comes to that. Feel free to contact me if you have any questions or just want to chat...

    Good luck!

  4. I think when you get your answer from them, you'll know what the next step is. I'll be praying for all of you that you have some clarity. *hugs*