Sunday, April 29, 2012

Jesse the Surrogate Q & A - Part One

A fellow blogger, (Mo at Life and Love In the Petri Dish) did a recent blog post on FAQ's she receives regarding what she's going through and her blog.  I thought it was a great idea--so I'm stealing it (hope you don't mind, Mo!!). 

Now that I consider myself quite visibly pregnant, I often get the typical "when are you due?", "how many other kids do you have?" questions.  I'm very quick to explain what I am doing and can usually see the questions churning in the eyes of the asker.  Some are complete strangers, some are people I've known for years.

So I wanted to get them out there and answered for you.  And if you have additional questions I may not "discuss" below, please feel free to post a comment and ask it.  I LOVE talking about what I am doing and no question is too personal or weird, I promise.

This will be part one (of at least two) I'm typing these up, I keep thinking of new questions I get asked on a regular basis.  Rather than have you read a blog post for the next 2 hours, I'll break it up for ya :)

Q.  Aren't you going to have a hard time giving up the baby?
A.  No.  For a few reasons.  First, it's not my child.  It's not my husband's child.  This is a baby that was created using the sperm of one of my IF's and the egg of a donor.  I literally have no biological ties to this child whatsoever.  Secondly (and please don't take this as a horrible thing for me to say), but I don't want another child of my own.  My family was complete with the birth of my last daughter (London) who will be 3 years old in a week.  I've been through the baby phase 3 different times and I'm completely fine with not having that again.  Thirdly, the thought of being able to provide two people the love and amazing feelings of welcoming a child into the world takes every emotion away from me ever thinking that this will be difficult.  To see their faces the moment they meet their son will be the most ever awesome feeling on the planet--to know that I helped create that.  Wow.

Q.  How does your husband feel about all of this?
A.  If my husband wasn't on board, I wouldn't do it.   Any surrogate will tell you that you have to have a support system behind you.  Now, that doesn't mean you HAVE to be married, but you have to have people surrounding you that can support you through the process.  Back when I signed up with Circle Surrogacy (my agency), they made sure I had that support system--even had a social worker speak with my husband for a good amount of time to make sure that he knew what he was getting into.  This affects him too.  His wife is pregnant for 9 months with a child that's not his.  That's gotta be weird.  But he's been great and is fully on board with everything.

Q.  Okay, so your husband is cool with it, what about your kids and other family members?
A.  Honestly, I've gotten no negative feedback from any family members.  Everyone appears to be very good with the idea that I'm a surrogate.  And everyone is cool with the idea I'm a surrogate for a gay couple.  I was a little worried about my father--he's more on the religious side; but, once I explained to him WHY I was doing it and the fact that I did get this all "cleared" by our church, he was much more accepting.  Now, I think he thinks it's pretty neat.  My kids think it's neat too. Elliot (6) is the only one that understands it most.  And he gets it.  Emerson (4) and London (2) know what's going on, but I'm not sure they will fully understand it until they're a bit older. 

Q.  Are you getting paid?
A.  Yes.  Am I doing it for that reason?  No.  I've heard of surrogates (none that I know personally, however) that become a surrogate strictly for the money.  I am not one of them.  However, I do feel that any surrogate needs to get compensated for what they do.   Becoming a surrogate was one of the easiest decisions I ever had to make.  Money had nothing to do with that decision.

Q.  Why are you doing this for a gay couple?
A.  Why not?  When I did the application process with Circle, they asked if I had a preference--gay or straight?  American or international?  Prior to filling out the application, I hadn't really thought about it that much--actually I didn't really think about it at all.  I just wanted to become a surrogate--to help someone, regardless of of what their sexual preference was or where they lived.  So, they hooked me up with the most amazing gay couple from the Czech Republic.  And I couldn't be happier!

Q & A Part Two will be coming in a few days.  And really, if you have a question for me, ask it.  If you don't want to post your question in a comment, e-mail me--  jesserulli at yahoo dot com.


  1. I'm loving your openness and honesty here! Looking forward to part 2!

  2. This is a really excellent read for me. Must agree that you are one of the coolest bloggers I ever saw. Thanks for posting this useful article.

  3. Love the questions and answers, even if I've asked some before.

    Let me ask this and you may not be able to answer yet, since you are still carrying and haven't yet delivered. Is there anything that sticks in your mind as being the hardest part of the surrogacy process? I'm imagining needles here but you didn't seem bothered by that when we were in Indy and you were preparing your body for this precious baby boy. Maybe it was the waiting for it all to happen. I'll let you answer instead of continuing to guess.

    I know you've had many, many enjoyable moments, just was just curious about the flip side.

  4. I'm curious about the first couple that your tried to be a surrogate for but it didn't work? I know that's nosy but I sure hope they found a way to have that baby they were longing for!

  5. Also, I am impressed you are willing to be pregnant for someone else, especially a stranger. I find pregnancy, while a major blessing, so incredibly difficult. I always longed for it to be over. I do not think, unless it was a sibling or someone I was really, really close to, that I could sacrifice myself for a year for them. You rock!