4 days ago I gave birth to a beautiful little boy for a beautiful family.
4 days ago my life changed forever.
Physically, I'm doing great. Mostly great. I have no complaints except for some pretty annoying lower back pain. I had some of this pain at the very beginning of the pregnancy, but nothing in the last few months--so why now? I have no clue. Will likely hit up the chiro soon. Even the Ibuprofen isn't helping. Other than that, I feel good. I think I'm mostly caught up in the sleep department and that is fantastic. I've been pumping every 3 hours and that's going good too. Now to lose this baby weight...
I'm still trying to deal with the emotional aspect of it all. I'm taking these emotions day by day. No, minute by minute. My life has been consumed by this surrogacy process since February of 2011. Once I was pregnant, I spent every second of every day concentrating on carrying this miracle child for the guys. And then on Tuesday, I was done.
Done. The process is over. Just like that.
The guys have begun their new life with their new baby and I will revert back to my old life with my own family. That's not a bad thing, but the last 18 months I had been so involved with everything, to go back to something that's not this journey is weird to me.
And here's where I can't process the emotions. Should I be happy about that? Sad? I feel like I'm both...and then about 17 more feelings show up too.
And all in the back of my mind I am thinking...
...the worst is yet to come.
At some point, they boys have to go home. And it hurts to think about it.
So, I'm not going to think about it right now (but I will in about 13 seconds). I'm going to enjoy the time I have with them while they're still here, even if it's for a quick "here's some milk" drive-by. I will treasure every second I get to spend with this awesome family and know that this really isn't the end of my journey, but the beginning of theirs.