Monday, August 6, 2012

It's official.

Today, I signed the documents.

Today, Jáchym is no longer legally “mine”.

According to the State of Wisconsin, he has been technically my child since the moment he was born. I know…strange, right?

Law is weird.

Today, paperwork was signed handing over all rights to the guys. Did I have a problem signing it? Are you kidding? Not at all. Jáchym is and will always be their child.

…But I was kinda sad. No, I’m not sad Jáchym isn’t mine (though he is a really cute baby!). He’s where he should be-with Tomas and Honza. With his daddies. I’m sad because that’s one more piece of the process that’s completed, and it’s one more step done that will allow the guys to go home.

Yes, they need to go home. I know this. I’ve put myself in their shoes 8 million times and can’t imagine how hard this is for them…having a newborn baby and not being able to share him with friends and family. Skype and e-mails can only do so much. Home. They need to go home.

And as many times as I tell myself this, I can’t seem to accept it.

Someone please tell me this is going to get easier?

9 comments:

  1. :'(... Aww, I think it will get easier Jesse! I don't have any first hand knowledge of what you are going through, but I see how amazing your journey was and KNOW that your love for that sweet little guy and the support of your family and friends will get you through.. AND, you know this isn't "Goodbye" just see you later.. HUGS!!

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  2. That is so sad! It will get easier with time I am sure. I am so glad you have such a nice relationship with them and know they will keep you informed. Sending a hug!

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  3. I won't lie babe - Taking Esteban and Michele and the twins to the airport, knowing they were going ALL the way to Italy, was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I cried on the way there, I cried when the guys let me change their diapers one last time, I cried as I fed them each one last time, I cried as I held and kissed each baby one last time, I cried as I hugged the guys and Esteban's parents, I cried as I helped walk them all to the security checkpoint, I cried as I rode the elevator up with my own babies, pushing a double stroller with two empty infant car seats, I cried incredibly hard when the elevator took too long and I didn't get to wave one more time, I cried as we walked out to the truck and I cried for quite a while in the parking lot before composing myself enough to drive home.... And then I cried when I got home.... And then I cried when I got a text that they were taking off.... But shortly after they got home, Esteban and Michele made sure to Skype with me - And yes, I cried but you know what else? I smiled a bigger smile than I had for weeks - Seeing MY four boys, my four sweet sweet amazing boys, my beautiful extended family - Finally in their home. Finally back together where they belonged.

    I cried the first several times that we Skyped because it just wasn't the same seeing them on the computer as it was having them there with us. The tears though, were tears of joy. Tears of being SO thankful at this amazing journey I was blessed to have. Tears of love for this beautiful family that wouldn't exist without me.

    To this day, I still cry sometimes when we Skype. It's not a bad thing. BUT, I love Skyping and seeing the boys babble, or smile, or coo, or laugh, or watch one of the guys giving them a bath. I know that Tomas and Honza will keep you updated. I KNOW you'll get pictures and videos and Skype sessions just as often as I do. And I KNOW that you'll get to the gigantic smile place, just as I did.

    You, Jesse, are an amazing woman. You did an amazing thing. The family you helped create is now embedded so deep into your heart. It's tough that they aren't closer - But always, always hold them in your heart, in that special place I know you have reserved.

    I'm always here if you want to call me. I'll sit on the phone and just let you cry if you want. Whatever you need. Love you!!! <3

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  4. It gets easier Jesse!
    Though I just received the documents for the 2nd party adoption for Colin yesterday and it was....weird. I know he's not mine but it's hard to wrap your head around it when you played such a vital role in bringing a baby into the world!

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  5. I cried reading Danielle's comment.

    Sheesh.

    It's true. Saying goodbye is the absolute worst part of this journey. And it's pretty awful. But it DOES get easier...and easier....and easier. You're processing everything incredibly well and it's OK to be sad. It's OK to cry! Allow those emotions to take place recognizing that it won't be long before things won't be so tough.

    XO

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  6. Just curious - if a surrogate has a baby here in the US for parents of another Country is the baby considered a US citizen because it's born here? If so, does the Country the baby's parents are from then offer them dual citizenship?

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    1. As far as I understand, yes the baby will be a citizen of the US. However, they will be able to get dual citizenship.

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  7. Ah Jesse it does get easier but I won't lie that goodbye is rough. You've taken care of that baby for 9 months, you've nurtured him, told him about his wonderful fathers and bonded with him. On the other hand you have also bonded with his fathers and experienced something that is a one of a kind experience that is hard to explain to anyone who hasn't gone through it. You have been lucky enough to have a lot of time with all of them after he was born. Just cherish every moment you have together and know that after this you get to watch them grow together as a family and that is also a wonderful feeling. Congrats and hugs.

    Jaime

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  8. For me, it gets easier when they leave. The goodbye is brutal but once they are actually gone I feel like the "hole" can start to close. Hang in there.

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